Charles' Birth Story

Birth

Feb 1

Written By Sara Boulter

Annie & Seth | Baby Charles

Unmedicated at Davis Hospital

October 3rd, 2019 11:23pm

6.8 lbs, 20”

Original due date: 10/14/2019

ANNIE: “Fair warning: My birth story is super long. Probably because my labor was super long. And I like to write. Before this pregnancy, I had experienced 1 miscarriage, 1 live cesarean birth, and another miscarriage. The cesarean was heartbreaking because a natural vaginal birth has always been very important to me. And because this was a pregnancy after loss, it was extra emotionally taxing. I constantly worried for my baby’s life. And being diagnosed with a large subchorionic hemorrhage directly behind the placenta early on in the pregnancy didn’t exactly ease my fears. Nor did chronic hypertension. Nor did yeast infections. Nor did being diagnosed with intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy (well almost...I had all of the symptoms, but never tested above the diagnosable threshold). It seemed like there was problem after problem during my pregnancy, and I told myself that if this baby made it, it would be nothing short of a miracle. Because I had all of the symptoms of ICP (a high risk condition I had with my daughter that increases the risk of stillbirth after 37 weeks), I chose to be induced at 38 weeks. My previous induction with my daughter lasted 3 days and I never made it past 2 cm dilated. And my miscarriages had both taken a very long time as well, even when induced with misoprostol. So I had mentally prepared for the induction to last all week, and I had warned Dr. Martin that my body needs a LOT of time to respond to induction methods. And I was right. Dr. Martin placed a foley bulb on Monday morning, then sent me home to wait. The foley bulb really only hurt when they inflated it with 30cc’s of saline. And it hurt a lot. But then it just felt like a really bad period with occasional contractions for the next day. We spent the day walking and doing anything we could think of to get labor to start on its own. On Tuesday morning when I woke up, I was able to pull the foley bulb right out. I think it had fallen out some time in the night. I was excited but nervous to believe it had actually dilated me to a 3 like it was supposed to do. We spent all day Tuesday and Wednesday just hanging out with me and Seth and Elle (my 3 year old), trying to get labor to start. But I was also very patient with my body, knowing that it was going to take a long time, because that’s just how my body works. I relied on my induction with Elle and the induction of the last miscarriage to know that my body just needs lots of time. Nothing else happened before Wednesday night. On Wednesday afternoon we dropped Elle off at her grandma’s house and checked in to Davis Hospital to see if we could really get labor going and have this baby. But I was still sure that it would take my body a long time...at least until Thursday or Friday night, to actually have this baby. At 6:45pm on Wednesday night, the nurse checked my cervix. It was super painful and it felt like she was trying to shove her whole fist up my vagina. She said I was only 1.5cm and 80% effaced. I was super surprised and bummed because I thought the foley bulb was supposed to get me to 3cm. 2 minutes later, Dr. Martin came in and checked me. He said I was 3cm and only 25% effaced. I was skeptical of his numbers, because part of me felt like he was just trying to boost my morale and give me confidence. But I still chose to believe him over the nurse haha. He then inserted the cooks catheter. I thought it was going to hurt a lot like the foley bulb, but it actually didn’t hurt quite so bad. Dr. Martin wanted to start pitocin right then, but I was really hoping to wait to start it until the cooks catheter fell out. He let me decide, and I chose to wait until midnight to start pitocin. Cramps and mild contractions started immediately with the cooks catheter. After a couple of hours, the nurse suggested I take a bath. I was so surprised a nurse was actually suggesting it. I LOVE baths and I didn’t think I would be allowed to bath at all since I had to do continuous monitoring since I was a vbac patient. But I took an hour and a half bath (with clary sage and delicious smelling soap), and it was the best thing ever! My contractions picked up quite a bit while I was in the tub. But the water felt sooooo nice and Seth gave me the best soft neck tickles. Dr. Martin came back at midnight and said the catheter was almost out. He asked if I wanted him to pull it the rest of the way out, and I said yes. Then I screamed bloody murder while he did it because it hurt like hell. He said I was 5.5cm, and 25% effaced. I was so happy to be 5.5cm! Anything past 2cm (the farthest I got with Elle) felt like a miracle. I then gave them permission to start the pitocin on super low levels. We started at a 2 and slowly turned it up to a 7 throughout the night. At 1:30am I was still 5.5cm and 25% effaced. I was -2 station. And having consistent but light contractions. I could tell the contractions weren’t really doing much (compared to the cooks catheter contractions), but I wasn’t discouraged at all. I was still prepared for this to last a couple more days. At 4:40am I was still 5.5cm and 25% effaced. At 8:15am on Thursday, October 3, Dr. Martin checked me again. Nothing had changed. I hadn’t progressed at all. I wasn’t surprised or discouraged. I was still in it for the long haul. But Dr. Martin threw us a curve ball that I was not prepared for. He explained how I was not responding to the pitocin. I reminded him how I had already told him my body takes a really long time to respond to it. He explained that he was worried if I stayed it would end in a repeat cesarean. He said he knew how important a vbac was to me, and that since my bile acid levels were still stable, he thought the best option was for us to go home and come in next Tuesday if I hadn’t gone into labor on my own before then. I was so thrown off and surprised. I had no idea that was even an option (it was only an option cause he’s such a great Dr). I knew it was a good option if I wanted a vbac, but it was also so crushing to think of going home when we had come here to have our baby. It almost felt like admitting defeat to go home. He said we could also break my water and see if that helps. But then that makes it so we’re committed and don’t have the option to go home. I was definitely not ready for my water to be broke. We asked for 30 minutes to think about it. My amazing doula, Stacy (who slept in her car in the parking lot the night before) came in to help us talk it through. I knew my body really did need lots of time to respond to the pitocin, so we decided that we would stay until the end of Dr. Martin’s work day and increase the pitocin to higher doses. If I was still not progressing or in labor by 4:00 or 5:00pm, then we would go home and try again next week. We felt very peaceful with the plan, but it was also so nerve-wracking and crazy to think that we were probably going to go home without a baby. We started looking into hotels with nice big bathtubs that we could stay in for the weekend to make it more enjoyable. Before they started the pitocin again, I took another long bath to just re-center and ground myself emotionally. I still felt really good about our plan. At 10:00am they started the pitocin at a 4. By noon it was up to a 16. I was having mild contractions, but nothing that felt like it was doing anything. By 1:30pm, the pitocin was at the max (20), and the contractions had almost completely stopped. We started coming to terms with the fact that we were going to go home. We were even grateful for the option. We even sent Stacy home (to Idaho!) so she could get some rest and be with her kids. At 2:00pm I had them switch my IV site because it was hurting my hand so bad. We were just going to hang out at the hospital for a few more hours until Dr. Martin came back to check on us, and then we were going to go to a hotel for the weekend. At 2:30pm, I suddenly started having very consistent contractions. Every 2 minutes and 15 seconds. Seth was mesmerized by the beautiful pattern they made on the monitor haha. He would even count down to when the next contraction was going to start. It was just me and Seth in the room all afternoon. The contractions slowly picked up in intensity, but I was in denial that they could possibly be the start of active labor. Seth begged me to let him call Stacy and tell her to come back, but I insisted he didn’t. I was sure nothing was actually happening, and I would hate for Stacy to have to drive all the way back just for nothing. After an hour or two, the contractions were so intense that my whole body started shaking. Seth said “this is exactly what the last miscarriage was like. You are in labor. I’m calling Stacy.” Stacy answered immediately. She had just passed the Idaho border. She told Seth to put her on speaker phone so she could try to talk to me during contractions. I could barely talk haha. She turned around immediately and drove all the way back. World’s best doula. Stacy got back around 4:30pm, about 10 minutes after I started having incredibly intense contractions and NEEDED counter pressure. Seth did a good job on his own, but having 2 people help me through each contraction felt like a necessity. At 5:00pm, Dr. Martin came back to check on us. I was still 5.5cm, but I was now 50% effaced. Dr. Martin said we still had the option to go home if we wanted. Then he watched me through one or two contractions and said it would also be a really good idea to stay, and that I was definitely progressing now. He tried to talk me into letting him break my water, but I was pretty adamant about not having it broken unless labor stalled and I was more dilated. At 6:00 nurse Courtney (my favorite nurse) got back for her night shift, and I was so happy to see her. I also had Seth text my sister Emily and tell her I would love for her to come. When she came, she could hear me screaming/moaning through a contraction from outside the door. She said she cried happy tears for me when she realized I was actually in labor. We both sobbed when she came in the room. I was so happy to have her emotional support. She knew what this birth meant to me. At 6:30pm, Dr. Martin came back in to check me. He waited for a contraction to start before he checked me. During the contraction he manually stretched out my cervix. Holy pain from hell. He checked me like this every time after that, so that he could help to manually dilate me. He would start out and say you’re 5.5cm (or whatever I was) dilated, then he would stretch my cervix with his hand, and say now you’re 6! It hurt so incredibly bad every time, but it was so worth it. When he checked me at 6:30, I was 6.5cm and 50% effaced. At first I heard him say “maybe a 7.” I yelled 7????!!!! He responded with “actually more like 6.5cm.” I started sobbing and said “6.5 is great!” Me and Emily were just crying and crying. I was worried Dr. Martin thought I was crying because I was discouraged. So I made sure to explain. I said “I promise I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’m crying because my body is dilating. Most people would be discouraged with a 6.5. A 6.5 is 4 times farther than I ever made it with Elle!” I was seriously so excited and in disbelief that my body was actually dilating. Then Dr. Martin said he thought I would have a baby by midnight. I told him that was rude to get my hopes up. I was still thinking this was going to take at least another day. I had drilled it into my head so much that this would take days and days that I refused to believe it could possibly be almost over. And I definitely wasn’t to the point of believing that a vbac was going to happen. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, and I knew there were so many things that could go wrong that would end things in a c section. I continued to labor like a freaking beast. For the next 2 hours the contractions were so intense and painful that I yelled through all of them at the top of my lungs. I tried to make it a low toned yell and breath into them, but they hurt so incredibly bad. They lasted like 1.5 minutes, and I had a 30 second break between them. But even during the quick break, I could still feel them in my back. I moved from the baby warmer, to the toilet, to the bed, to the ball, every few contractions. I required counter pressure from Seth, Stacy, and Emily for every one. And they had to get into some crazy positions to be able to help me haha. They also got me a hot pack for my back which helped so much. And stacy made sure to make me go potty every 30 minutes or so. I realized after about 2 hours that it was probably the pitocin that was making these contractions so painful. So I asked the nurses to turn it down. I was nervous the contractions would stop if they turned it down, but I also knew I couldn’t take these ones for much longer. Thankfully, my contractions continued, but they got a little less intense and spread out a little more. At 7:45pm Dr Martin checked me again during a contraction and stretched my cervix again. I was 7cm and 80% effaced! When I type that out right now, it’s clear to me that I was well on my way to a vbac. But in the moment I was in so much denial. I was so excited to be progressing, but I still thought it would be another day and probably end in a c section. Dr. Martin asked again if he could break my water. I was still adamant about it not being broken. I think that’s when he looked me square in the eyes and said “Let me tell you something. You have PTSD from your last birth. I promise you can trust me.” Even though he was pushing me to have my water broken, I felt so incredibly validated and seen and cared for when he said that. I felt understood and I felt compassion. And I still didn’t let him break my water. I continued to labor through VERY intense contractions for the next few hours. I think the whole hospital could probably hear me yelling at the top of my lungs and moaning like a ghost (that’s how Seth describes it haha). The contractions were definitely challenging, but I was so grateful for them. I was so grateful to be in labor. Between contractions I was just so happy. Our amazing photographer, Sara, had arrived by now, and between each contraction we would all just laugh and talk together. It felt like a very happy party. A birthday party. Then as soon as I felt a contraction coming on, I would yell at everyone to get into their places. And if anyone had their hand in even a slightly wrong place, I would yell at them to move it. They were very patient with me. And I’m sure they were all so physically exhausted by the end of the night. At 9:00pm, Dr Martin checked me again (during a contraction of course - who doesn’t love pain on top of pain?). I was 7.5cm and 80% effaced. I was still a -2 station and baby boy was basically still floating up in my uterus. I could also feel him kicking my ribs soooo hard. I was sure he was going to break one. This is when Dr. Martin asked again if he could break my water. He explained that it really could speed things along and help baby descend. I explained how afraid I was that it was going to send baby into distress and result in an emergency c-section. I was petrified to make a decision that could lead to another heartbreaking c section. He told me again that I could trust him. He told me to take a few minutes to think about it then to let him know. I talked it through with my support team, and they were all so awesome. Stacy reminded me of my favorite affirmation I had written and brought to the birth: “This moment is the only moment that can truly be known.” I can make an educated decision based on fact and intuition, and then let go of the outcome. I can just live in the moment and not worry about what is or isn’t going to happen. I then had the thought that I was only thinking about negative outcomes. I then imagined the possible good outcome; that we break my water, I progress quickly, baby boy remains stable, and I get a beautiful vbac. There was a possibility that I could actually embrace the outcome. I decided to go ahead and let him break my water. Apparently when I pushed the nurse call button and told them I had made a decision, it sounded like I sang it haha. Dr. Martin came in laughing and said the nurse said I sang “I’ve made a decision.” I don’t recall singing it. But maybe in my excitement of actually having come to peace with it, it came across as singing. At 9:22, Dr. Martin broke my water. At 10:00pm I was at 8cm, and still -2 station. I was still dominating each contraction. They hurt like hell, but I was so grateful for them. But I still didn’t believe I was going to have a vbac. I was sure he was posterior (back labor), and I was sure he was stuck and asynclitic, and was never going to descend and I would be pushing for 3 hours before they had to do a c-section. Those are the stories I told myself, but tried to push out of my mind with my favorite affirmation and just be in the moment. Right after Dr. Martin checked me, I went to sit on the toilet for a few contractions. At the peak of one contraction, I suddenly felt the urge to push. So I did. Stacy said “Dr. Martin, you might want to stay close by.” Everyone was watching me and smiling. I still didn’t believe my vbac would happen. I was also surprised that I had the urge to push at only 8cm, and a -2 station. And even more surprised that no one told me not to push. Everyone trusted me and my birthing instincts. I continued to feel the urge to push at the peak of each contraction. I pushed 2 or 3 times during each contraction. At 10:38pm, I was almost 9cm, and 100% effaced. I couldn’t believe it. And I still didn’t believe this was actually happening. Since I was still a -2 station, Dr. Martin started to put his hand inside of me during each contraction and pull my cervix down and stretch it open during the duration of the contraction. Pain pain pain. Times a million. Maybe a billion. But it helped! So it was worth it! At 10:57pm I was complete and a 0 station, and my contractions turned into pushing only contractions. I actually got to the pushing stage! I still had it in the back of my mind that baby was going to get stuck. And I still reminded myself every second to just live in this moment and see what happens. Dr. Martin was so excited for me. He did everything he could to help me see that this was actually going to happen. He excitedly told me he was putting on all of his gear to catch the baby. I still couldn’t believe it haha. At one point during a contraction, everyone went silent and Stacy said something to Dr. Martin. I was sure something was terribly terribly wrong. But I didn’t have the mental or physical energy to ask. So I just kept on laboring and forcing myself to live in the moment. I later found out it was because a good amount of blood came out during one of my pushes. Which meant baby was close. And I might hemorrhage. When I started pushing, Dr. Martin saw my vaginal opening, and said “you have one of the smallest vaginal openings I’ve ever seen. I’m going to do everything I can to save you from 4th degree tears, but it’s going to hurt. I’m going to manually stretch your perineum out during each contraction. You tell me to stop if you can’t handle it.” Talk about pain. I can’t even describe the pain of each contraction combined with the pain of Dr. Martin manually stretching me out. I never had a moment of “I need an epidural” during my contractions. But I did have many other thoughts while I was pushing: “How long is this going to last??? How the hell do women do this???? Why the hell do women CHOOSE to do this????? I don’t know how many more contractions I can take!!! If Kayla (my friend who I watched push her baby out last month) did this, I can do this! I can do anything for one minute. I don’t know how I’m going to take the pain of another contraction….and I have no choice….so here we go. Etc. Etc. Etc.” I was also screaming bloody murder through each pushing contraction. I tried sooo hard to relax and breath between contractions. But there was no stopping the screams and body tightness during contractions. I ended up pushing on my side on the bed. I don’t think my body could have stood or kneeled or done anything besides lay on the bed at this point. The pain was way too intense. Emily and Seth were both helping to hold my leg up. My support team was absolutely amazing. Stacy had cold towels she was touching to my head and face, which felt soo good! Seth and Emily kept helping with counter pressure and holding my leg. At 11:15pm baby boy was crowning. Courtney (or someone else...who knows?) brought in a mirror for me so I could watch. When baby boy was still 1-2 inches from the opening, Dr. Martin asked if I wanted to touch his head. I reached down and felt his squishy little head inside of my vagina. That was the first time that I really realized that my vbac could actually happen. That it was probably going to happen. That it was actually happening. Before I could get too emotional or excited about it, another contraction hit, and I was pulled back into the pain and intensity of pushing. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle the pain of him actually coming out and the pain of the ring of fire, but I also knew I had no choice so I just had to go moment by moment. At this point, Dr. Martin put his fingers on my perineum and said “push here!” So I did, and I could actually feel his head coming out. In an effort to prevent me from tearing, Dr. Martin held his head back a little bit so he came out slowly. His head was halfway in and halfway out for 1 or 2 contractions. It hurt so bad. But I was able to look in the mirror and see half of his tiny head sticking out of my vagina. That was the moment I truly believed I was going to have a VBAC. On the next push, at 11:23pm, his head came out, then a few seconds later I felt his body slip out. They placed him right on my stomach and sat me up so I could hold him. I couldn’t believe it. I had done it! I had actually done it. I tried pulling him up to my chest, but the cord was too short to get him very high. I was so relieved to be done and so happy to have my baby. He was grunting, but not really crying. So the nurse started rubbing his back trying to get him to cry. Right after he came out, there was a huge gush of blood onto my bed. My feet were 4 inches deep in a pool of my own blood. And I had watched the whole thing happen in the mirror that was still there. Dr. Martin explained that I was hemorrhaging. I was sure in that moment that I was going to be rushed back to surgery. I think I even told Seth to hold the baby while I went to surgery. Because I was bleeding so much, Dr. Martin had Seth cut the cord earlier than I had hoped. But I think we still got 1-2 minutes of delayed cord clamping. (I don’t remember when my placenta came out...just that it hurt more than I would have liked haha). Dr. Martin explained that he was going to try to manually get my uterus to contract to stop the bleeding. He stuck one hand inside of me and one hand outside on top of my uterus and started pushing forcefully with each arm. So much pain. It felt like he was doing this for 20 minutes. Who knows how long it actually was. He then explained that the nurse was going to put cytotec into my anus to help my uterus contract and stop the bleeding, and that it was going to hurt. And boy did it hurt. And it wasn’t a quick thing. It kept going and going. Probably for 2 or 3 minutes she was inserting cytotec into my anus. I remember thinking how I wish the pain would just stop. The pain of all of it….the pain was supposed to stop when the baby came out. But I was also managing the pain. Or at least surviving it. And poor little buddy was just laying on my chest for most of it while I screamed bloody murder right into his little ears. They did have to take him to the warmer for a couple of minutes to suction a whole bunch of mucous out, but for the most part, I got to have him on my chest for the whole thing. Dr. Martin was luckily able to stop the bleeding (another reason he’s my hero Dr.), and then it was time for him to stitch me up. I had 3 2nd degree tears and 4 tiny tears that he didn’t stitch up. The numbing shot hurt quite a bit. I didn’t feel most of the stitching, but I did feel 2 or 3 of the stitches going in and that also hurt. I was so over pain at that point haha. It was such a relief when I was done being stitched up and I could just hold my baby. Interestingly, I didn’t feel a super strong love/connection with him right when he was born, like I did with Elle. The love and intense connection came later that night and the next morning as I nursed him and held him. But it did come, and that’s all that matters. That night I barely slept as I replayed the whole thing in my mind over and over again. I couldn’t believe I had actually done it. I had a successful, unmedicated, induced, vbac. I felt so incredibly blessed and so incredibly grateful. Grateful for a Dr. who truly believed in me and fought for me. For a husband who supported me. For a doula and sister who held sacred space for me. For a God who gave me this perfect tiny human to love. It felt like for the first time in 5 years, something had gone perfectly right in my life.”

SETH: “Any time I am scared, worried, or feeling incapable of accomplishing something in my life, I will think back to this birth and will gain courage to accomplish what is in front of me. This was, by far, the most empowering thing I’ve ever seen or experienced in my life. Annie had so desperately wanted to have a natural birth. She prayed for it, fought for it, bled for it. From the foley bulb, to the cooks catheter, to the cranked up pitocin, to the almost going home because the pitocin wasn’t working, to the sending our doula home, to the calling our doula back after regular contractions and Annie still not believing that this was actually going to happen until she saw Charles’ head... just amazing. Annie fought so hard. I really think after seeing that experience that a natural unmedicated birth should be illegal if water torture is illegal, or poisoning someone, or cutting someone apart piece by piece. Because that looked excruciatingly painful. But Annie did it. And if she can do that, I can do anything. And the connection! That is some of the most connection I’ve ever experienced with Annie, as well as connecting to myself. So much love. So much intensity. And Annie was laughing and smiling between every contraction! Because she knew that this is exactly where she wanted to be. Where she needed to be. Where she was created to be. Watching Charles come out.. surreal. Feeling his hair before he came out. The first skin to skin. Believing and knowing that everything was finally going to be ok after two miscarriages and an absolutely awful pregnancy. At one point, I got sick and had to sit down. I don’t do well with blood. Especially girl blood from certain orifices. Next thing I know, our awesome photographer was putting her hand on my shoulder and a cool rag on my head so that I could keep holding Annie’s hand so that she didn’t even know that I was having a hard moment. All I can say is, Annie is a rock star, our doula Stacy is a rock star, our photographer is a rock star, Annie’s sister is a rock star, and that a natural, unmedicated birth, while awful, can also be one of the most connecting, spiritual, empowering things someone can experience in this life.”